I try to keep the blog focused on writing, but every now and then I want to reach out. Just to say “Hey. I’m human.”
We all live busy lives. Mine has gotten a little less busy lately, but not in a good way.
In early March, our dog Shinobu skipped eating. Two nights in a row, our little piggy didn’t finish her meal. It was enough of an oddity to warrant a trip to the vet. We discovered she was anemic, and got some medicine for that.
Then a few days into the medicine I noticed a large lump on her side. I rushed her back to the vet and they did xrays. She had a massive tumor in the area of her spleen.
At this point we were discussing surgery and it got scary. We had a needle biopsy done to see what was in the tumor. Before we even had the results, however, we had bad news. While sedated, the vet was able to thoroughly palpate her abdomen (she usually clenched too tight for this during a normal exam). He discovered that the tumor was even more expansive than the xrays showed, wrapping around her torso.
The results came back and needless to say, she wasn’t going to make it.
Surgery was still on the table. But eventually we decided that putting her through such an ordeal, with such low odds, would just bring her misery.
So we took her home and we loved her.
We took her to the gardens. We gave her all her favorite foods. She got steak and rice and lean chicken breast.
But only a month after we first took her to the vet, a few weeks after her prognosis we had to put her to sleep. She was no longer eating. She could barely walk outside.
I didn’t get any writing done in March.
Or in April.
It wasn’t until halfway through May that I felt complete enough to start clacking away again. In the midst of everything, the Bowman’s Inn Anthology launched. My first publication. I did my best to engage, but this post was lingering in my mind. It’s not related to writing, not directly.
I no longer have to step away from my work to walk outside, rain or snow. I don’t have to fiddle with little plastic bags and chase around a dog who once kicked her poop on my shoe. No more waking to the sound of whining and prancing.
It’s hard to pull through grief and get back to the daily grind. I spent a lot of time revising. I delved back into site design for the millionth time.
When your job requires tapping into emotions, feeling like an empty blob isn’t ideal. I don’t know how long it takes most writers to get back into the swing of things. I don’t even know if I’m actually back in the swing of things, to be honest.
It’s just nice to get this done. I know it wasn’t the most joyful or funny post. Those are coming soon! I have drafts! It was important for me to talk about this.